Don't feel bad, not a pang;

Good evening.

[And from the look of it, it's been a long one; her long white hair is pulled back and messily secured in place with a pair of pens sticking out at odd angles, and her eyes - vivid amber in color, a little alarmingly so perhaps - look bright as hell behind the rims of her glasses. She's clearly worked up about something, even if her voice retains that calm dryness that it usually carries; she's smiling, but it's a bit more like a smirk than a smile, and if we're all being honest it's a bit more like baring teeth than anything.

Somebody's excited.

At least the camera is still, presumably because she's got it set up somewhere; it's difficult to see exactly where she is, she's kind of all up in your metaphorical grill there.]

Since it seems my last pair of coworkers have discovered better things to do than staying in this region, or staying in this world altogether for that matter, I'm looking for a few people to help me out. Just with a few...experiments.

[And oh, her eyes are alive.]

You'll be compensated for your time, and you'll be granted the power to defy physics as you see fit.

And if you don't believe me...

[She moves back from where she's been all up in the camera's business, finally giving a solid view of the room; the ceiling is high, though the room itself is largely nondescript, and there's some sort of odd platform set up in the middle of the floor.

GLaDOS herself seems to have a rather odd pair of white boots on, rather than her usual, far plainer set; she glances up at the ceiling as though mildly uncertain of the height, takes a deep breath, and steps forward onto it.

Bang.

The sound of the plate being activated is a sharp, loud one, throwing her straight up into the air with enough force that it might as well be some sort of goddamn cannon (much like these fine pieces of machinery are prone to doing); she lets herself drop back down onto it, shooting herself into the air a second time, before letting her head drop forward, kicking up and over into enough of a flip to ensure she won't land on the plate again.

Those boots make an odd hydraulic whooshing sound as they kick in, ensuring she lands properly; she lands hard and it looks like it should have been jarring as hell, but it's worth noting that she lands on her feet and seems pret-ty good.

She approaches the camera again; she seems a bit breathless, but incredibly pleased with herself.]

So.

Any takers?

[VIDEO]

You know, there comes a point where you stop being surprised and you start accepting things as an inevitability. Gravity is always going to work. Eating paint is always going to be a bad idea. There's always going to be some mute lunatic running around and screwing things up.

Things like that.

[And a good morning to you too, GLaDOS; nice to see you're in...uh, good spirits, as always.

Of course, it's a bit difficult to tell where she is, given the angle of the video; it's definitely straight-on, as far as her face goes, but the long white hair she has tied back tightly, away from her face, seems to have gravity acting on it in a...weirdly upward direction. Either physics has temporarily shut itself off, or she's hanging off of something.

Spoilers: it's the latter. More specifically, her bed; she's got herself draped sideways over it with her legs braced against the wall, her head hanging down toward the ground.

It's a comfortable position, okay.]

Apparently I should add "not having five minutes' peace" to that list. Because I know for a fact that I didn't before being brought back here.

But then, the mute lunatic has been dealt with. And there are ways to make gravity less of a big deal than it thinks it is. And that's what science is about, isn't it? We're told that we can't do one thing, and we see the lack of point in moping about it.

So we get mad.

[Contrary to her words, however, she's smiling again; it's not a nice expression, closer to baring teeth than anything, but she's - ...yeahno, let's be honest with ourselves, she's not even trying...]

But while we're all beating the odds here, I'd still recommend against eating paint unless you've been instructed to by the proper personnel - after all, there's no point in being dumb about it.

[Well! GLaDOS usually avoids showing herself on camera, but for now? She'll make a bit of an exception. The filming is a little shaky, the jittercam seeing to imply that there's a camera pokemon at work; probably Rotom, she takes that thing with her everywhere.

She hasn't regained her previous form - oh, no. So for those who are directly unfamiliar, there's now a very tall woman with long white hair on your feed! She's standing around in what looks like a...paintball field? The world's most sterile laser tag arena? Either way, there are a lot of white barriers around, set up in an unused back lot in Goldenrod, just on the outskirts of a residential area. Some are tilted at very odd angles, and there's one positioned high on the side of a neighboring apartment building, looking down on a neat row of barriers on the ground - that's where she's standing.

She's a bit overdressed for a game of paintball, if that's the case - she has a white shell of a dress on, hitting just above knee-length, and what looks like a black leotard of sorts under it, preventing anyone from seeing skin other than her face and hands; she has a brooch on her dress, various stones arranged in a row - purple, yellow, dark blue, red and another, far paler blue. However, the feed is being taken from high enough up to reveal that her choice in shoes is a bit...unusual; furthermore, in her hands, she has a -

...

... ... ...

Oh dear.

She has a very large case of "Oh dear", right in her hands there.

She smirks at the camera, amber eyes glinting behind her glasses.]

Hello, and welcome to Aperture Science's Temporary Non-Permanent Makeshift Enrichment Center. For those who have been looking for something to do with their lives, wanting to make a contribution to science, or simply needing a few extra dollars so that you're not sleeping outside tonight, you're in luck - we're looking for a few good men, a few good women, and you.

[Her voice is casual, an almost sing-song quality to it - surely that wasn't as backhanded as it sounded just now...? Either way, she moves on too quickly for it to be an issue!]

It's my pleasure to inform you that we're hiring; you're very necessary to Aperture Science's continued success, and since I don't have access to any deadly neurotoxins in this field, your chance of surviving the testing process has increased exponentially. But as always, cake and grief counseling will be offered after the testing process.

But if that's not enough to convince you...

[She turns around and fires that strange apparatus onto that barrier high up on the apartment buildings behind her; a ring of blue appears on the barrier in a spray of particles. She follows it with her gaze, as though calculating; she moves a couple of steps to the left, smirks wickedly at the camera and tosses her head a bit as though instructing whatever has the camera to back up some and change the angle to a side view. Once she seems satisfied that the whole setup is visible, she aims that device straight down.

An orange portal forms beneath her, linking instantaneously with the first blue portal; she drops abruptly through it, emerging immediately through the blue portal, lined up to drop her through the orange a second time. And with that momentum, she flings herself onto one of those strangely-angled platforms a great distance away.

Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.

She lands hard, those boots making a hell of a noise, but she doesn't seem harmed.

The camera...rather enthusiastically catches up to her; she flicks some of her hair out of her face casually.]

...for a few hours of your time, the power to bend physics can be yours! Any takers?



[OOC: Extending a welcome to fourth-wall to the non-Route players!

If there are, in fact, any takers, there are portal guns and long-fall boots for everyone - while GLaDOS is more than welcome to talk you through the testing process (and might be persuaded to join you in doing science, because she has to admit that flinging was kind of fun), she's also content to simply observe all the suckers test subjects rather than interact. Basically, GLaDOS doesn't need to be interacted with at all should you choose to mingle with others and want to just have fun with portals, but you're more than welcome to play with her as well!

The long-fall boots are required for all test subjects, though she really doesn't give a damn if you want to break your legs so you're more than welcome to try this without them - and yes, gentlemen, they all come with heels.

And because I know somebody is going to ask, NO, THERE ACTUALLY IS NO CAKE. What were you expecting?]