Voicemail/IC Contact

[neurotoxined]

[VOICE/TEXT/VIDEO; OPEN TO ALL]

"Hello - you have reached the personal voicemail inbox of INSERT NAME HERE; they're not available right now, but please leave your name, number and a brief message, and they'll get back to you as soon as they can.

In the event of an emergency, hang up and dial whatever authorities may be available to help you with your crisis. In the event that there are no authorities, may whatever God you believe in help you because there's a good chance that INSERT NAME HERE can't help you either. If the world has fallen under martial law, become a police state and/or has otherwise become a dystopia, please be aware that Big Brother may be watching you for quality assurance purposes.

Thank you for your interest in contacting INSERT NAME HERE; have a nice day, and remember, 'science' rhymes with 'compliance'!"

[Please state in the subject line if OOC planning is preferred and we can handwave like the wind, but otherwise IC will be assumed!]

Comments

[neurotoxined]

Oh, what did you even do.

[doitrockapella]

I didn't do anything!

...

It was an accident.

[neurotoxined]

You wouldn't need a replacement if you didn't do anything.

What happened to it?

1/4

[doitrockapella]

I dropped it.

[doitrockapella]

[...]

[doitrockapella]

[..................]

[doitrockapella]

Into a volcano.

[neurotoxined]

[wh-

you

but you

...oh my god how

okay look the how probably isn't important

what's important is that you seriously just - ]

Well, congratulations. That's probably some sort of new record. You weren't even testing with it, and you managed to use it exactly for its intended purpose.

Well done, and good job. I'll be sure to send cake with your replacement. I'd offer grief counseling, but I don't think anyone's available for that.

[doitrockapella]

What do you mean, good job? A minute ago you were saying it was my best friend and that bit about throwing it into an incinerator like a heartless person.

[neurotoxined]

Everyone throws it into an incinerator like a heartless person.

Unless they really don't want to complete the test. At which point they can be friends with it forever and just sit in the testing track until they die. Or something. I wouldn't know, I've never had anyone try that.

[doitrockapella]

...You didn't really have that in mind when you sent it to me, though, did you?

[neurotoxined]

Well, no. I wasn't expecting that.

[doitrockapella]

I suppose I always was one to exceed expectations.

I hope it's all right that I don't...incinerate the replacement?

[neurotoxined]

Do whatever you want with it. It's your friend, not mine.

Maybe this one will be around long enough to sing for you. If it hears something like that enough, anyway.

[doitrockapella]

This one won't be going anywhere near any volcanoes, that's for certain.

[neurotoxined]

You really do choose weird places to vacation.

[doitrockapella]

I like the warm weather.

Also, there weren't many birds.

[neurotoxined]

I've noticed less of them around here, as well.

I guess I should thank you for that.

[doitrockapella]

I thought you might like that.

Merry Christmas.

[neurotoxined]

...Same to you, Sarah Jordan.