Voicemail/IC Contact

[neurotoxined]

[VOICE/TEXT/VIDEO; OPEN TO ALL]

"Hello - you have reached the personal voicemail inbox of INSERT NAME HERE; they're not available right now, but please leave your name, number and a brief message, and they'll get back to you as soon as they can.

In the event of an emergency, hang up and dial whatever authorities may be available to help you with your crisis. In the event that there are no authorities, may whatever God you believe in help you because there's a good chance that INSERT NAME HERE can't help you either. If the world has fallen under martial law, become a police state and/or has otherwise become a dystopia, please be aware that Big Brother may be watching you for quality assurance purposes.

Thank you for your interest in contacting INSERT NAME HERE; have a nice day, and remember, 'science' rhymes with 'compliance'!"

[Please state in the subject line if OOC planning is preferred and we can handwave like the wind, but otherwise IC will be assumed!]

Comments

THIS IS A FILTERED CHANNEL IDK

[doitrockapella]

Hello, "Insert Name Here". I'd like to be put through to Caroline, please.

WHY YES IT IS.

[neurotoxined]

You've reached her.

[doitrockapella]

I've been referred here by a friend; I'm told you're the person to talk to when it comes to the creation and construction of bizarre contraptions. Would it be fair to say I've come to the right place?

[neurotoxined]

They're only "bizarre" if you crawled out of the turn of the last century. So I think I know who you're talking about.

Why are you asking?

[doitrockapella]

Because I have a bizarre contraption I'd like constructed, of course. But that depends on whether or not you're willing to freelance for my purposes.

[neurotoxined]

[..................]

How willing are you to provide materials?

[doitrockapella]

Assuming I had a list and they were available to be procured in this world? I'd provide them.

[neurotoxined]

I don't have access to my facility here. Obviously. But I might not have to worry about that, depending on what you want.

What do you want, anyway? "Bizarre contraption" being a given.

[doitrockapella]

I'm looking for a pair of shoes that can provide enough leg support and impact tolerance to withstand certain strong, abrupt forces. Launches, impacts, things like that.

I have the beginnings of a design, but this isn't my area of technical expertise, so I'm open to suggestions of what might be feasible.

[neurotoxined]

...You want Long Fall Boots. That's what you're thinking of.

Our Enrichment Center used those to keep the human test subjects from breaking our equipment while falling into some sort of inevitable grievous injury.

[doitrockapella]

Long Fall Boots? Do tell.

[neurotoxined]

You're going to have to tell me a bit about yourself first.

[doitrockapella]

The mail's in the front room and the keys are under the mat.

ATT: address.doc
ATT: IMG9160.png

[doitrockapella]

Did you have a good Christmas, Caroline?

[neurotoxined]

It was good. Enough.

[Read: People got her things. It was confusing.]

And yours?

[doitrockapella]

I loved your gift. Where did you ever get the idea for that?

[BECAUSE THAT'S NOT A CONSPICUOUS PAST TENSE AT ALL...]

[neurotoxined]

It's a Companion Cube. All of our test subjects get one. They exist to help the subjects complete tests, and possibly love them despite not being sentient.

Either way, it will never stab you and it shouldn't talk. If it starts talking, notify me immediately.

[doitrockapella]

I...don't foresee that being a problem, no.

[...UM. How do you...even...lead into...]

How do they help complete tests?

[neurotoxined]

The same way all cubes help complete tests. You put them on buttons and abandon them. Or you throw them into an incinerator and burn them. To death.

Despite them not being alive.

[doitrockapella]

...

So they love you and you're supposed to abandon them and burn them to death.

[neurotoxined]

Maybe they love you. Maybe they don't. Who knows? It's a cube, no one asks it what it thinks.

Probably due to the whole not-talking-to-you thing they do.

They sing, though. Some of the ones in the lab, I mean. They make humming sounds when you pick them up, if you listen carefully enough.

[doitrockapella]

So you have more of them? Than just the one you gave me?

[neurotoxined]

Oh yes. They're useful but ultimately disposable. They just sit there, really. They probably want you to love them, if they want anything at all. But they're mostly just there to spend time with you and be carried around and do what you need them to do, exactly like the best friend you never knew you needed. And then they're burned up once you're done with them, exactly like the best friend you threw into an incinerator like the heartless person that you are.

Why do you ask?

[doitrockapella]

[...dammit.]

I was wondering if I might be able to get a...replacement.

There was a mishap with the one you sent.

[neurotoxined]

Oh, what did you even do.